Infidelity in a committed relationship is a severe breach of trust. Regardless of whether or not you think you can get away with it, if you’re tempted to cheat on your partner, you should first consider whether or not you want to be in the relationship.

You may have fallen out of love with your partner, or you may not be in the state of mind for a monogamous relationship; either way, the best thing you can do is leave the relationship before betraying your partner. 

However, if you decide to cheat on them, you can take steps to keep them in the dark about your activities, then throw them off the trail if they grow suspicious.

Set up a separate email address. One of the easiest and sloppiest ways to get caught having an affair is to leave evidence of it in easily accessible places.

• Create a new email address used only to communicate with the person or people you are cheating with. Don’t tell anyone else about it or use it for anything other than your affair.
• It will feel normalised if you also use this account as a burner account for online updates or to catch spam. You want a certain level of anxiety attached to this account.
• This way, you will remember to log out every time you access it.
• Only write to your affair through this account, never through your regular account.
• Keep your regular account logged in on your computer as you usually would, so your partner has access to it if they grow suspicious and start snooping. They won’t find anything there.

Clear browser history — but only partially. Each time you do anything online related to your affair, take a moment to clear your web browser’s account of the sites linked to your affair.

Note that this applies to more than just your fake email address; do this for every site related to your affair, such as Yelp reviews for a restaurant where you want to meet them, directions to a park where you’re going to meet them, reservation sites for hotels, etc.

• Don’t clear your entire browser history, as this will look suspicious — nobody keeps their entire history clean.
• Instead, go through your history and manually delete suspicious websites when you’re finished using them.

Use the “private browsing” mode on your web browser. The best way to ensure that you don’t accidentally leave any evidence of your activities behind in your browser history is always to use the “private browsing” setting when doing something you don’t want to get caught doing.

• If you use a significant browser to surf the internet, you likely have a private browsing option. Safari, Chrome, Firefox, Opera, and Explorer allow you to use the internet without recording evidence of it on your computer.
• Note that this does not mean you are completely anonymous while browsing. Websites still know your I.P. address; visit their sites. As a result, you can see targeted ads generated from your “private” browsing session.
• To avoid getting caught through your targeted ads, ensure you close out all private windows every time you’re finished using them. This will delete the cookies that lead to suspicious targeted ads.

Lock your cell phone. If your phone is already locked and your partner doesn’t know the code, you’re in the clear. However, if your phone isn’t locked or your partner knows the code, you need to re-secure your phone.

• Create a believable explanation for why you need to secure your phone suddenly.
• You might say that some people at work got into it and found private pictures of you and your partner or that they sent a string of text messages to people in your contact list.
• If your partner is accustomed to knowing the code to your phone, it would be highly suspicious of you to insist on privacy suddenly. Don’t try to change the password, but don’t use your phone for any suspicious activity.
• If you need to communicate with your affair through your phone, use the private browsing option on its browser to log into your “cheating” email account.
• Remember to log out and close the secret window to delete cookies when you’re done.

Use your phone minimally. If your partner sees a sudden spike in calls or texts to your affair’s phone number, this could raise suspicions.

Keep phone calls brief, and text-only when necessary. The majority of your communication should be conducted through your designated email account.

Laugh at their suspicions instead of getting mad. By getting angry, you’re signalling to your partner that you have an adverse reaction to their accusation rather than a bewildered one.

Anger also transitions quickly into an argument, and arguments get drawn out and linger in the back of the mind. You want to avoid attaching lasting, negative memories to this conversation, and the best way to do that is to keep it from getting heated.

• Don’t laugh in a mean-spirited way, and don’t make fun of your partner for having their suspicions.
• Act surprised or bewildered by the suspicions, as though it would never have occurred to you that you were acting questionably.

Talk to them about their suspicions. After your initial lighthearted reaction, you don’t want to run away from the conversation, as this might make them feel like you’re not taking their feelings seriously. That resentment can also linger and fester, so you want to address this head-on.

• Tell them that you’re sorry they feel that way and don’t even know that you were causing them to feel insecure in the relationship.
• Allow them to voice their concerns, and be a good listener — don’t interrupt them or get defensive.
• Make a note of their specific suspicions, as this will let you know what mistakes you’re making.

Promise to make an effort to work on those trust issues. A good partner will feel bad about making them worry, so assure them that even though they have nothing to worry about, you will make an effort to be more attentive to them.

Change some of your suspicious behaviour. If you let your partner speak honestly, they may have given you a list of specific concerns they have about your behaviour. 

If you change that behaviour without warning, it may only make them even more suspicious. However, suppose you have an open conversation with them about how you promise to change those behaviours. In that case, they will interpret your changed behaviours as a dedication to working on your relationship.

• Tripping all over yourself to completely change your behaviours might make you look like you’re overreacting or have a guilty conscience. Don’t make dramatic changes.
• Change your behaviour enough to demonstrate that you’re trying to maintain trust in the relationship.