Money has always been a controversial topic in most relationships, be it among family members, colleagues, neighbors, or friends but the ones most affected are those who are dating.
Society is currently against men giving the ladies they are dating money but why is it like so? Why is the emphasis on money and not other material things?
Both women and men like money. Men have been preached to make sure they make a lot of money and through that, they can get any woman they desire, and hence they are respected as they can provide for their ladies’ needs.
On the other hand, women have been taught to go for financially stable men and are providers, but the real question is where do we draw the line?
It has been written in many pieces of research that financial uncertainty topics are hard to start for most couples and money talks trigger different emotions for different people especially men as they want to be at the top of their financial ladder.
You do not just love something and leave it, if you love something you nurture it. You make sure it is well taken care of. You love a flower, water it so it blossoms, you love a woman and take care of her not just financially.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son…” according to John 3:16 even God did not just love the world and let it be. He loved then gave but literally with humans you gotta know when to stop and when to give.
Nowadays men put money at the front as a strategy to get women and well if you start that way in the current era some women will chop you until there is nothing left to chop.
Women also keep on doing weird things for money, because working hard is tiring so why not wait for the man to do the work and do whatever he wants you to for a few gigs.
Helping each other meet financial needs is not a bad thing. Giving her a loan or just giving her money for her to pursue a certain goal is not a bad thing either when done correctly.
What men should do
Men should stop approaching women wanting to look like sugar daddies and get offended when you start being treated like one. “ babe can I have money to go do my hair”, babe this and that because you invited it. You wanted to get her to accept you so you started sending her random e-money, buying her expensive alcohol and now you want to lament, please abeg.
Others just meet girls who are too demanding about them providing, with all these reasons that seem to make sense, ooh please take your brain with you. You are only dating, not married, you can only do so much without compromising your dreams and ambitions just because suddenly your girlfriend needs you to pay her rent. You are not fathering a mature lady, you too have things to invest that money in.
Take her on a date, buy her gifts, make her feel special and at times do give her cash because you want to give her or when she is really in need and you are both in a stable relationship not because you are forced to or expect to get something in return.
You planned it all out in your head that you want to have sex with this woman you just met, you are not in a relationship with her, and yet you want her to travel from Singida to Dar es Salaam and pay her fare in the name of an independent woman, you must be mad.
You shouldn’t even be contributing when others comment about “tuma na ya kutolea”. Why don’t you get on that bus or whatever transportation you can and go get the sex instead?
Why do men feel offended?
It is not that men don’t want to give their girlfriends money, well some are stingy, but men don’t want to feel obliged to provide for their essential needs. They don’t want to feel forced to take a certain amount out monthly for things you could afford. They want to be at peace and give out without dramas and demands.
What women should do
Stoooop renting apartments you cannot afford. Live within your means. You are renting a TSH 400,000 while your monthly income is 500,000. People’s sons are going to feel the heat when the landlord wants the rent.
Learn to afford your lifestyle and ask for help only when necessary. Before this guy got into your life were you walking around with your hair like a madwoman? Now you want him to buy you all these things your other friends have knowingly he cannot afford it. Why don’t you leave the poor guy and go search for ‘your type’.
You too can spoil your man now and then. Stop asking for money for small things now and then and if you are not going to show up to a meeting with a stranger stop asking for money to be sent to you instead sleep peacefully at home.